More guts…

This was forwarded to me yesterday and I just want to share it: 

I must say, I usually hold my tongue.  Most of the time.  But sometimes, when the situation calls for it, I can unleash as well.  I don’t usually gravitate towards mataray people, but surprisingly I have a lot of mataray friends.  The usual pattern would be, I’d hate their guts, then I’d get to know them a little better, then sometimes, we even end up good friends.  There’s a nice kind of maldita, the type that incorporates genuine humor, and then there’s the outright mean one - that type I stay away from - Chico & Delamar (RX 93.1 Morning Rush):

May 11, 2010 ? The Top Taray Quotes

1.. Addie 17 - Back in college, I was walking along Mendiola when this manong came up to me out of nowhere and said: “Hi, beauty!” So I answered: “Hello, beast.”
2.. Diwata - During a wedding, an aunt asked me: “Kelan ka susunod?” I answered: “Tita naman, how would you feel kung magkita tayo sa burol and I asked you the same question?”
3.. Jen - “Hindi ko sinasabing maganda ako. Ang sinasabi ko lang pangit ka.”
4.. Mr. Perk - Girl to guy she doesn’t like: “Email me nalang at getlost@donttalktome.com“
5.. Forg - While studying a difficult lesson in school, a classmate told his groupmate: “I’m as confused as your sexuality!”
6.. RC and Cess - Sister ordered burger with no lettuce. Burger arrived with lettuce. When she got mad manager apologized and offered free side order. Sister: “Ang gusto lang, tanggalin ang lettuce, hindi yung bigyan niyo ko ng kung anu-ano!”
7.. Hakunamatata - Girl1: “Bakit ang sama mo makatingin?” Girl2: “Eh ikaw, bakit ang sama mo tignan?”
8.. Arvie - “Pag nakikita kita, parang gusto ko mag-sorry sa mga mata ko.”
9.. Glenskie - “Diba pag pangit ka dapat nice ka?”
10.. Boknoi - Wife: “Bili mo kong bagong bra!” Husband: “Wag ka na mag-bra, maliit naman boobs mo eh.” Wife: “Eh bakit ikaw, nagbi-brief?”
11.. Xuxalera - After waiting in line so long at the toilet, when I was next in line, a girl approached me and said: “Miss, puwede sumingit? Naiihi na ko eh.” I told her: “Eh ano ba sa palagay mo ang rason kung bakit kami lahat nakapila dito?”
12.. Andee/Maymay - When someone told me: “Ang ganda mo!” I answered: “Sana ikaw din.”
13.. No name - Annoying classmate: “Guys, guys, saan kayo pupunta?” Kami: “Papalayo sa yo.”
14.. Foxmodem - I was an intern 3 years ago in a charity hospital about to circumcise a boy. The mom of the boy bought an ampule of local anesthesia but forgot to buy a syringe. The nurse told her: “Mommy, anong gagawin ko dito sa lidocaine, ibubudbod ko sa tit* ng anak mo?”
15.. No name - When we gave coins to a kid beggar, he said: “Hello, ni value meal di ako makabili nito!”
16.. Cootchiemhie - Boy: “Para akong lalagnatin.” Girl: “Eh di parang uminom ka ng gamot. Malay mo, parang gagaling ka.”
17.. C. Vanilla Ben - Boy: “Masarap?” Girl: “Bumili ka, para malaman mo.”
18.. No name - Girl sees a guy peeing against the wall: “Yuck, ang liit ng tit*, ang daming bulb*l!” Guy: “Ano gusto mo, maliit ang bulb*l at madaming tit*?”
19.. Grace - When the cashier at the grocery said: “Miss, puwedeng kendi nalang ang sukli ko sa yo?” I told her: “Bakit, tsokolate ba ang binayad ko?”
20.. Andee - At a swimming pool. Officemate1: “I’m sure lulutang ka.” Officemate2: “Bakit, dahil payat ako?” Officemate1: “Hindi, dahil plastic ka.”
21.. Arvie - Sa isang turo-turo. Customer: “Miss, may langaw sa arroz caldo ko!” Tindera: “Sa halagang limang piso, anong ine-expect mo, manok?”