Handling the animals of the corporate jungle

By Winifred Tan

Where there’s a group of people, there’s bound to be conflict. Biology dictates that we all think and work very differently from one another, and this difference surfaces especially prominently in the workplace, where a potpourri of diverse characters ranging from the easygoing to the dramatic to the over-fastidious are thrown together in close contact for approximately eight hours a day, five days a week, 250 business days a year.

Unlike the days of school, the workplace requires every individual to put aside his differences and work well with his fellow colleagues, supervisors, and subordinates in order to be productive. It is therefore imperative for you, as a member of a larger organisational matrix, to recognise what makes your co-workers tick.

To help you better understand the nuances of workplace behaviour and conflict resolution, we’ve put together a list of the top five difficult personalities that you’re likely to meet at work and how to best to deal with them.

1. The Bully

Although the days of playgrounds and elementary schools are long past, bullies do still exist, albeit in more covert forms. Workplace bullies tend to rely on psychological tactics of intimidation and humiliation to insult, threaten, ostracise and basically bulldoze their colleagues or subordinates. For instance, they will distort the truth or fabricate allegations of underperformance in order to discredit their target. Such bullies are difficult to handle because they often operate within the established rules of the company and out of sight of their superiors.

Battle the bully: Bullies thrive on hostility. They are loud, aggressive, persistent, and expect you to run away in fear or react in anger. As such, you should learn to stand up to them. Be clear and assertive when expressing your opinions, and do not let them interrupt you.  If they become openly aggressive, you should ask them to leave, or let them vent until they have run out of steam before expressing your views (supported with clear evidence) confidently. The earlier you confront the bully, the better — don’t wait till the bullying escalates into a crisis before reporting it to your manager or the HR executives.

2. The Gossip Mill

Every workplace has at least one gossipmonger. This resident tabloid always has “exclusive” news to share; no one is spared from his barbed words and the negative shadow he casts. It is difficult to pin him down because he takes the truth and manipulates it a little before spreading the word. Before you know it, the entire office will be rife with rumours about your latest office scandal or supposed attempts to influence the boss unfairly.

Nip gossip in the bud: The only way to deal with toxic behaviour like gossiping is to be direct. The next time the Gossip Mill swings by for some catch-up time, inform him politely but firmly that you are not interested in engaging in harmful conversations about other people. Ignore him if he persists in his efforts. Most companies practise open communication and have a zero-tolerance policy towards gossip, so remind yourself that if you’re ever unhappy with any aspect of your work, you should be forthright and discuss it through the appropriate channels.

3. The Chronic Attention Seeker

The Chronic Attention Seeker likes to be seen and heard. That doesn’t seem too bad, until you realise that he is also taking credit — even when it’s not due — for successful projects and failing to acknowledge the help he received from others. Next thing you know, he’s been promoted twice while you’re still stuck in the same old career rut. Did you mention “unfair”?

Checkmate: The first time the Chronic Attention Seeker steals credit for your work, consider it a genuine mistake and notify him to let others know about your contribution. If he doesn’t do so, or he repeats his mistake, notify your supervisor and colleagues so that they can recognise your achievements fairly. Make sure you carefully document all the instructions, correspondence and task plans as evidence to back up your claims. Then in future, unless you’re specifically assigned to work with the Chronic Attention Seeker, refuse to help him out again.

4. The Control Freak

If there’s anyone who can make Attila the Hun look like Mahatma Gandhi, it’s the Control Freak. The Control Freak boss doesn’t just want to know what you’re doing; he needs to know what you’re thinking, every second of the day. To him, employees are robots, best suited for following his instructions blindly down to the very last detail. Micro-managing is a must for He-who-is-deathly-afraid-of-failure.

Take a chill pill: Do not take the Control Freak’s criticism personally or attempt to justify his control over you. Instead, explain rationally to him why his dictatorial streak is counter-productive. Offer suggestions on what he should do, and give him the chance to control his compulsive behaviour. Stand your ground and be prepared to walk away if he fails to change for the better.

5. The Sniper

Snipers are arguably the most annoying personality to deal with in the workplace. Like backstabbers, they attack their target anonymously, making petulant remarks and insults disguised as compliments in an attempt to discredit their target. What’s worse, some snipers have a fondness for giving backhanded compliments during meetings or in public settings, making it that much harder for the target to determine their true intentions.

It’s time to snap: Unfortunately, there’s no other way to deal with snipers apart from taking a more aggressive stance, especially if you’ve reached the end of your temper. That is not to say you should snipe back — it only makes you look unprofessional and encourages the sniper to continue in his destructive behaviour — but you should definitely snap back and show that you’re no pushover. Don’t be afraid to confront the Sniper about his jabs; just do so in private and be quick and concise about your message, “Yesterday you called attention to my being late to the meeting and suggested that I’m given preferential treatment. Please don’t do that again.” Alternatively, if you’re in a public setting, camouflage the situation by addressing the other parties present, “I apologise for being late as I was on the phone with an important client.” Remember, the Sniper is not that difficult to deal with: force him out in the open, highlight his poisonous actions, and pounce hard to make him accountable for them.

Conclusion

Dealing with difficult personalities is an acquired skillset that can only be honed through experience. Even though workplace conflicts can really wear you down emotionally and physically, it is nevertheless important to learn how to manage them appropriately, because unresolved conflict can escalate and lead to distrust, miscommunication, increased stress, reduced creative collaboration, and ultimately, failure.

As a general rule of thumb, don’t try to beat these difficult personalities at their own game. Employ as much tact and diplomacy as possible, and eventually you will be able to cultivate long-lasting and healthy relationships in the workplace.

Bitches and Jerks

We recently had a re-organization and it affects the function of our heads. So we were asking ourselves…Who is the better boss….male (and I mean a real guy! no in between here guys) or female? Sensible, respectful, and understanding: These are the traits associates say we look for and admire in a boss. So does it matter whether the boss is male or female? Don’t get me wrong here, nowadays both men and women have a fighting chance. Sometimes men can be  too tough and straight and women can be too kind and thoughtful.

If you are going to ask me, I will prefer real men for sure, I have had past jobs in my lifetime that I had female, male and not so male bosses. And to be honest women are almost the worse. Women (and those pretenting to be male) bosses are too controlling in my opinion, they would like to have your ideas but in the end they always want things to do in their way. Also with women you gotta be more careful if you want to joke around and talk while working. Men are much more relaxed, obviously they want results and they check that you are doing things well. But for the most part men bosses are much less controlling, they let you do things your own way,they are easy to joke around too and the workiing environment  seems to be more relaxed, a male boss will must likely let you talk while at work. etc. Women on the other hand sometimes be irrational and persistent because they are afraid that their authority will  be questioned if they don’t stand to their initial point of view. It goes with in between gender too.

But at the end, it doesn’t depend on your gender it depends on your leadership skills, work ethic, and ability to deal with changes.  Bottom line: If you want to be the best boss, or work for the best, put stereotypes aside and start aggressively cultivating your own work character. But really, some work personality traits are worse with women and those like to be women

What goes in, goes out!!

Im not the kind of person who talks a lot to anybody I dont really know. But if your anything like me, sometimes I have to catch myself, because i’ll go on and on talking to a friend, loved ones or relatives about anything important or rambling about something un-important. If we really think about what comes out of our mouth, we’d be surprised. We should start using our mouth beneficial on everyone’s behalf.

We never know who we will meet that might take what we say to the next level. Many people who we think would have no interest might surprise us.  The more open we are with what we do,  the faster  people will take notice. .

What comes out of your mouth is what is in your heart.
What you send into the world is what is in your heart.

You can’t give joy when you are sad. You can’t give kindness when you feel hurt.
You can’t love when you are full of hate.

You can’t hide the truth of your heart from anyone who knows you.
The clerk you smile at and joke with may think you are a courteous and funny guy.
Spend ten minutes with anyone, though, and you will see what they are inside.

If they hurt, they leak tears. If they are peaceful, they spread smiles.
If they love and are loved they will share it with you.
If they are filled with hate and pain, they share that with you, too.
It’s easy to spread hate, or hurt, it’s as catching as the flu.

Dream On

The best things in life are free….hugs, smiles, friends, kisses, family, sleep, love, laughter and good memories. I had my share of free best things last night - I had free dinner, free popcorn, free drinks, free photo ops and free movie pass for Breaking Dawn. What else can I ask for? Who were my sponsors? My siblings….I took advantage of it, it happens only once in a year . Can’t wait  for another one.

In this life we’re also free to dream whatever we want to. It’s always nice to dream and think up many wonderful things in our mind that we wish we could have or what we wish could happen. Even though, we know in our hearts that sometimes it will never happen. It isn’t easy facing reality and its harsh ways. That’s life.

Dream Big, It’s free, it is a different perspective on allowing yourself to dream, even if you think you may not be deserving it!

“Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world. -  Harriet Tubma”

Let’s keep on dreaming. We can do it anytime..anywhere. It’s free everywhere. Anyway, its a free country

Its time of the year again

There can be no denying that we are indeed approaching that magical time of year, the Christmas season.  The holiday season is a busy one, what with the family obligations, gifts, decorations, parties everywhere and making sure everybody’s bellies stay full. And then of course there is the shopping. Credit card companies absolutely love the month of December. Just make sure you avoid pitfalls and stay on top of your holiday spending. Make most wonderful time of the year and not just the most expensive.

My Z’s everywhere

I woke up kind of late yesterday morning only to remember that I would be having my second shot of anti hepa vaccine. I lazed around the house for an hour or so trying to decide if I wanted to go. I was thinking that it was rather far trip just for a vaccine shot. If I can arrange for its pick up and have it injected by my cousin, it will save me time. Finally I got off from our chair and took a bath.

It was rather warm ride and walk from and to the MRT. I was holding my umbrella and wearing my shades. I stopped at the convenience store along the way and bought 1 liter juice with so much ice and drink it while walking. I just spent less than 5 minutes to have my shot.

I browsed around the mall and had my brunch before riding a bus that will take me to another mall to buy something. Then went to a grocery to have our weekly grocery. It was rather early. I visited the nearby posh bakeshop that I have been hearing has some delicious cakes and pastries. I curiously studied their items then crossed to the church in front without buying anything. There was a wedding going on so I stayed at the Adoration Chapel while waiting for the wedding to end and the anticipated mass to start. The aircon was in full blast and it was so quiet. There were only 3 persons inside. I pick up the pillow at the entrance and put it at the back of my chair. I got the novena prayer from my bag and started to read. After finishing the first page, I could not read anymore. I didnt bring my eyeglasses so I closed my eyes and started to pray. I dont know if I really started to pray because the next thing I know I was like woke up from sleep. I looked around, it was only me inside the chapel. I noticed also the wedding almost finish. I stayed inside for another 15 minutes then stood up and lighted candles beside the chapel.

That’s very bad of me!? That was exactly how my day goes yesterday. But sleeping in Adoration Chapel was not intentional.

A B ’s Story

Live a great life despite the fact that life is difficult. Everybody wants to be happy in life.  We all want to live a perfect life. We want that great job or a successful business. We want to be married to Mr. Right or Ms Perfect. We want to have great kids. We want to have friends that stick by us come rain or shine. We want to be able to have all the material things life has to offer and have all our problems just disappear.

Let me tell you a story:

She is 2nd to the youngest among 3 children, all girls. Said she was over exposed and a little aggresive when she was still a teen-ager, that was why she got pregnant before she turned 18. She continued her schooling while taking care of her baby boy. She chose the night shift to avoid the intrigue brought by her being a teenage and single mother. She graduated after 5 years and eventually got married to the father of her son. A year after their 2nd son was born, they separated.

Said she was already feeling it and knew what was coming. Her husband walk away from her to chose to be with their common friend. This common friend was the one who introduced to her to her husband. The husband and the common friend had a child and after a few years, she learned that they also separated. The common friend after so many years that she prefers another girl, she is a lesbian and she is now living with her partner together with her child.

Back to my subject, after 3 years, she also found her partner 10 years her junior. They had 2 children, another boy and a girl. They are now living happily, and trying to meet the ends. She is a banker while her partner is driving their own colorum FX plying from Malabon to Manila and vise versa. It is only one trip to Manila in the morning and also one trip to Malabon in the afternoon. In between, her partner is the one taking care of their home and children, although they have a housemaid.

She still has a naughty side. She would tell me that she is a little depressed. Her sexlife is on its downhill sometimes and I wouldnt know what to say except that maybe they have many things in mind that time. She confessed that she feels that its her hottest at this time of her life and her partner is on the other hand on its downtime because his mind wants it but his body no longer act on it. We just laughed it off.

She has led a very colorful life. Her parents also separated when she was in high school. Her mother never got married and her father is now abroad with his own family. She has now has a stepbrother with the same age as her eldest son. Her parents still friends and they constantly keeping their communications. Her father also regularly helping them out especially on the schooling of her children.

That is one of the beautiful things about life. You can make your life better. You have total  responsibility for what you do and how you respond to the fact that life is hard. As the now cliché saying goes: “If life hands you lemons, make lemonade.”